I want nice soft lighting, and I want it to be nighttime all the time, except for sunrises and sunsets. I don't want to leave except to go to classes that I love and want to go to...and go hiking in the mountains or explore interesting places. I don't want to force myself to try and understand material that I don't comprehend at all, and am not interested in. I don't want to have to try and prove my intelligence, or worth , by being active in the most things in the best way. I don't want to have to prove that I can have an intelligent conversation with someone...I just want to have one. I don't want to constantly be confronted with my future and be forced to compete for the outcome of my life. I just want to live. I don't want to have to fight to live the way that would make me happiest. I don't want to have the responsibility of choosing whether or not to have a family. But I do. And I do have to compete, and I do have to prove, and I do have to try to understand complex material that I don't even care about. And I am feeling exhausted. All I want to do is walk around the blacktop, around and around, everyday, collecting good rocks. And all I want to do is walk on good mountains and travel all around the world, and read good books, and find good people. I am tired of this life style. It is exhausting. And stressful. I feel as though everyone around me is more competent, more driven, more intelligent, and better spoken than I am. And I feel like I have to push myself at every moment to do better, and to be better.